Life after editing

I finished my content edits!!!!! After five months of obsessive revising, it’s really weird to be done. But now it’s time to attend to a few areas of my life that I neglected while I was consumed with the book. For example:

E-mail: Do I have any new e-mails to read, perhaps from my publisher? No? Well, to be totally fair, she is out of the office, and we submitted the manuscript 20 minutes ago.

Health: I’ve been meaning to find a primary care physician for the past five years, but I’ve been procrastinating because I know they’re going to ask how often I exercise. And unfortunately, I’ve been unable to access the elliptical due to some, uh, stuff in the way.

Now that I’m done editing, I plan to exercise at least three times so I can say, hand on my heart, “I work out three times per (mumble).”

E-mail: Nothing yet, but reading a whole book takes time. I just need to be patient and wait a few hours or perhaps…. days…. oh god.

Parenting: My toddler drew a penis on the wall several months ago, and I just… left it there. Since then, he has added orange, yellow, and blue scribbles—despite my explicit instructions to please draw on the paper. So it’s time to skim a few parenting books to see if I can redirect his artistic inclinations and salvage some portion of our security deposit.

E-mail: Updated 3 minutes ago. What the hell??? I didn’t pay $900 for this slick ass phone so it could snooze for three whole minutes. Do I have to take my displeasure to the Apple Genius Bar or can I get some fucking real-time data? 

Updated Just Now. Oh. Okay.

Day job: What’s going on at work? Does my boss need anything from me? I should probably find out. But first…

E-mail: Still nothing? No worries… it has been nearly an hour, but my anxiety is well under control thanks to all that exercise and meditation that my therapist advised. Besides, it’s time to put writing aside and do all that stuff I said I would do “when I’m done with my book.”


Fuck it: I can’t deal with my life at a time like this. If anyone needs me, I’ll be glugging wine and binge-reading lesfic until July.

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